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Showing posts with label Geek Culture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Geek Culture. Show all posts

Monday, November 11, 2013

A Defense of Fan Fiction and a Condemnation of Geek Shame

I know what you’re thinking.  “Fan fiction?!  But that’s a cesspool of Mary Sues, horrifying slash, and rampant orgies thinly veiled as alien rituals!”  And you would be correct to some degree.  There is some really bad fanfic out there - I know because I’ve read quite a bit of it.  My favorite was a Star Trek TNG fic where the main character, the most Mary Sue-est of Mary Sues, commits suicide with an eyelash and a thumbnail clipping to force Capt. Picard to forget his love for her and be comforted in the pillowy bosoms of Dr. Beverly Crusher.  That is a thing that exists, and if I knew where to find it I would link to it because it is a treasure.

But I have also read some really good fan fiction in which the authors voiced the characters with more loyalty and believability than some published writers.  But still the practice is pretty overwhelmingly condemned as a waste of time, or the haven of uncreative minds - something I find I can’t agree with.  Fan fiction can be an excellent writing exercise - trying to slip into the mind of characters that aren’t your own is a great way to develop character writing skills.  If you have to constantly check yourself to make sure you are staying true to who the original creator made that character to be it tends to bleed into the rest of your writing.  The idea of a character starts to become more fleshed out than just a string of foibles constructed for the sake of the plot.  I say this because the way I define fan fiction in my head is exclusively tied to characters.  Most fan fiction I’ve come across happens because the author asked the question “What if Character X found themselves in Situation Y?” or “I wonder what happened between Character X and Character Z after Major Plot Climax Theta?”  These questions can make for some incredibly entertaining reads, but more than that they’re an expression of love.  Think about it - in order to write a good fanfic you have to love the characters you’re writing about enough to truly respect who they are, what they believe, and what they are capable of.  There’s nothing shameful about that.  However, if you treat those characters like your own personal love-muppets to be thrown into each others arms and beds without thought or reason - shame on you.  These are people.  At least make it plausible.

Also, writing fan fiction can be a good way to break yourself through a creative block.  Imagining your favorite characters in new and possibly funny scenarios is entertaining, and I know the more entertained I am by what I’m writing the more likely I am to keep going.  It doesn’t have to even be a whole fleshed-out story, either.  Sometimes when I’m stuck, and because I am possibly the biggest Dragon Age fangirl who ever lived, I’ll write little vignettes that take place in between the long marches between cities in Origins, or flesh out the consequences of something you did in DA:2.  Maybe Shale accidentally kicked over a poison Morrigan was brewing and wacky hijinks ensued.  And what if Hawke got knocked up from that one-night stand with Fenris and has been hiding a kid from him this whole time?  Emotional stuff there.  If you’re trying to get into the habit of writing every day, fanfic is a good way to get into that habit.  Its light, fun, and occasionally turns into something great.  I don’t know if Timothy Zahn’s Thrawn Trilogy started out as fanfic, but that’s pretty much what it is and without it we wouldn’t have Mara Jade.  Life without Mara Jade is not a life worth thinking about if you ask me.  So when people ask what you write, own it.  Say “Oh, I mostly write urban fantasy, a lot of sci fi, and a fair amount of Halo fanfic!” and then skewer them fearlessly with your eyeballs and silently dare them to say anything about it.  Because those words of Halo fanfic are still words that you wrote when you found yourself in a creative way, and that makes them worth mentioning.

For the record, I don’t write Halo fanfic.  If I played Halo I probably would, however, and shame on you for judging parallel-universe me for that.

Judgement is the other thing I’ve been thinking about lately, and the related ugly habit we in the geek culture are sometimes prone to fall into.  Being a geek is all about loving something to a degree that might be considered abnormal to those on the outside, but its also about sharing that love with others and accepting those who also love that thing.  In that last bit we sometimes fall a little short - or at least I know I do.  When someone tells me they’re watching Death Note or FMA on Netflix, there’s always a little tiny part of my brain that feels superior because I saw them back when you had to download fansubs directly from Japan.  Its completely irrational when you think about it.  The reason I’d already seen those and other series’ before they popped up in the mainstream was because of an intersection of friends and interest that was specific only to me.  I can’t be superior to someone basically for being in the right place at the right time, and judging someone for not knowing something earlier is just silly-pants.

We joke and poke fun at people sometimes with phrases like “Have you been living under a rock?” when we find out they haven’t experienced some game or movie or whatever that we literally can’t imagine our life without.  Sometimes its good-natured and we offer to come over post-haste with a couple DVDs and some camaraderie.  But other times (and I unfortunately have experienced this) it is completely the opposite, as though lacking a particular set of experiences suddenly makes a person’s opinions invalid.  For example - it’s one thing to ignore someone breaking into a conversation about comic book movies who either hasn’t seen the movies, or took their kids to see one and didn’t pay attention and is suddenly handing out opinions like they’re condoms.  But what about someone who did see the movies, loves them, but hasn’t read any of the comics?  Is their input worth less because they didn’t have a group of friends to go down to the comic book store with every week?  It shouldn’t be, but sometimes people are treated that way.  A person is still allowed to think The Last Stand is a rubbish movie even if they’ve never heard of the Dark Phoenix Saga.

Even when we talk to each other, we talk about our Geek Shame - some thing that for one reason or another has passed us by.  Its not shameful to have not experienced something.  Here’s one for you - I have never played a Zelda game.  Not one.  Through a series of circumstances mostly beyond my control, I’ve never owned a Nintendo system.  Should I have to hand in my access to the nerd treehouse over that?  No.  And it shouldn’t matter what your time frame for experiencing something is.  A person is not less of a fan because they read Lord of the Rings after they saw the movies.  Being a geek isn’t about shame, that word shouldn’t be in our vocabularies for any reason.  We should be about acceptance no matter what someone’s road to nerddom was.  Its tough sometimes because a lot of us geeks have dealt with social exclusion, and the desire to feel superior to others is a natural one.  But I think this experiential superiority is something we should try to get rid of in ourselves, and gently refuse to tolerate in others.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna try and kickstart my creativity with some Hawke/Fenris preggers drama.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Starcraft and Sexism

I can't really call this a Starcraft Diaries entry because I'll only be talking about the game briefly.  I mentioned I wanted to talk about sexism in gaming and nerd culture, but I don't want to parrot all the opinions flying back and forth across the internet.  For those of us blissfully unaware of this particular kerfuffle, the whole "fake nerd girl" thing was old news but has popped up again recently after a comic artist posted an incredibly ill-conceived (and poorly written) post on Facebook about girls at conventions dressing up in their revealing little costumes and getting their evil meathooks into all the nerds with their horrifying lady-parts.  Leaving aside for a moment his conception of nerd girls as semi-attractive attention whores who can't get their adoration fix in the "real world", I feel compelled to point out that without comic artists and their imaginations girls would not be dressed up in revealing superheroine outfits in the first place.  Yes, we get all tarted up in our Catwoman costumes, but those outfits were conceived and published by the very people complaining about us.  Without Powergirl there would be no Powergirl cosplay.  I don't believe in dressing up as an excuse to dress like a lady of the evening, but seriously - we weren't the ones who designed these things.  Dudes did (for the most part). And if I had the self-confidence and the shape to back it up, you bet your sweet ass I would be prancing around dressed as the Scarlet Witch at my next convention.

Bringing this into the Starcraft forum, I have a confession to make.  I have been guilty of in-game sexism.  Its true.  When I first set up my Battle.net account and ventured on the ladder I made sure to pick an avatar that was a girl and lamented that I didn't have a great selection even though a great deal of the player icons were pretty damn gender-neutral.  Why did I do that?  Because I had a bug up my butt about everyone I faced on the ladder knowing I was female, when it really shouldn't matter.  And further I tend to assume whoever's on   the other end of the connection is a dude no matter what their avatar is.  Because I'd gotten this idea in my head that I was one of the few, the Girls Who Play Starcraft.  It was a revelation because I was starting to fall into the "grrl power" trap, proclaiming my femininity and demanding that others acknowledge it when I should be focused on my skill vs. the other person's skill and nothing more.  After I took my grrl power out back and shot it, things have been just fine.  I'm not a Girl Who Plays Starcraft, I'm a Starcraft player that happens to be a girl.  Which is how I hope things will be in the gaming world soon - we're all nerds.  Some of us are ladies and some of us are dudes but we all love the same things and we should be able to celebrate them together.

That might take a while to happen, unfortunately, because we ladies have had to fight to get recognized as "real nerds" and that fight isn't quite over.  So a lot of us have a gigantic chip on our shoulder about it which leads us to demand recognition of our boobs and our encyclopedic knowledge of the Marvel timeline.  Its a side effect I try to avoid, but its easier for me because I've had a great "coming out as a nerd" experience.  If I've ever been informed that I can't be a real comics reader or I must be shopping for my boyfriend, those instances are so overwhelmed by positive experiences that I've forgotten them.  I've been blessed to encounter some of the most amazing comic/game store employees in the world who never assumed that I was only gift shopping and were just excited that I was into the same things as them.  I still remember the day I picked up the first Xenosaga game and the (cute) guy at the counter just grinned and said "Oh, bless your heart" - he knew the game was for me and no one else.  My Seattle GM was a bouncer at a saloon I worked at who introduced me to D&D because he could tell I regretted never getting into it.   But not everyone has experienced the same acceptance as I have, who are accused of being 5's who want to feel like 9's or fetishized by those around them for being good at Team Fortress Classic.  And that leads to shoulder-chips and division in a community which should accept all comers with real passion in their souls.

I sat myself down at one point and made myself imagine things from a guy's perspective, and the conclusion I come to is that I kind of get it.   Let me tell you a story.  When I was young I loved the Phantom of the Opera, and by love I mean "was completely goddamn obsessed".  I read the book several times, watched at least five movie versions of the story, and knew the entire libretto to the Lloyd Webber musical (not just the highlights).  You know that note that Christine hits at the end of the main theme?  The one that is so high it wouldn't fit on the regular lines of the treble clef?  I made myself hit that once, all alone in my car in the middle of an abandoned parking lot.  I then swore I would never do that again.  When I was thirteen my grandma got me tickets to see the show in San Francisco and the squeal when I saw the tickets could have been heard for miles.  And you know what happened when my siblings' next birthdays came around?  Grandma took both of them to see Phantom in turn.  I was furious.  The Phantom of the Opera was my thing.  I was the one who memorized all the music, read the book, and hit that horrifically high note that one time (which will never be spoken of again).  After all that work of being a genuine fangirl my siblings got to witness the pearl of my heart's desire just my saying they were interested in it too and wanted to go?  The horror!  But you know what I got out of all the resentment - nothing.  Just bad feelings that started to poison the very thing that I loved.  So yes, nerd girls seem to effortlessly attract all this attention just by virtue of being female that one might forget that we do actually love all this stuff as much as you guys do.  My siblings didn't want to see Phantom out of some perverse desire to elbow into my favorite story, they wanted to see it because they liked it.  But instead of accepting this and nerding out with them about which bits were our favorites I closed myself off and missed out on some valuable bonding.

I guess what I'm getting at is that we're all people, and we all have our insecurities and issues.  But if we get over them our community will be so much the better for it.  And the next time you turn your nose up at the girl at the comic store who isn't talking to you for being a stuck-up bitch, remember that she's probably just as scared of talking to people as you are.  I know.  I AM her.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Oh, you're so cute when you're angry

Apparently I'm not done talking about multiplayer, because shortly after posting about how obsessively competitive players might need to take a chill pill every so often something happened that illustrated my point exactly.  I've been getting more and more in the ME3 multiplayer, mostly because I'm too broke to buy any new games.  So I've been sucking less and less over time, getting used to different classes, etc.

Alright, here's the scene.  Its midway through the round, about the 5th wave or so, and I got mobbed by a bunch of Cerberus troops.  I go into desperate survival freakout mode and start blasting and Incinerating anything in sight, trying desperately to get to cover.  I'm pretty sure I was playing an Engineer.  So I finally kill enough guys to get some breathing in when I notice another one off to my right.  All of a sudden my brain was screaming  "GAH!  I'm gonna die!  Quick, kill that dude!"

So I blasted him in the face and he went down.  It was then I noticed that one of my teammates had been about to finish him off with a melee or something.  Whoops.  In the heat of battle, I had stolen his kill.  I felt a little bad, but chagrin immediately gave way to incredulous giggling when the guy followed me until the next wave started in order to constantly shoot me in the head.  Wow, guy who's handle I don't remember but it was probably moronic, are we twelve?  Ok, maybe he was twelve - in which case I should write to his parents.  This is an M-rated game, after all.

The thing that made me really laugh at this whole thing is that in ME3MP, your kill count does not matter in the grand scheme.  There's a tally at the end of the round of who got the most "points" or whatever, but other than the three other internet strangers in the round, no one will ever see it.  The only thing that affects your position on the leaderboards (if that's a kind of thing you care about) is your N7 rating, which only keeps track of how much you play.  You could literally run around the map and not shoot anything and get your N7 rating up to 1000 - although that doesn't sound like much fun and the rest of the team would probably kick you.  But still, you see my point?  Someone got so mad about  losing a kill that doesn't matter that they were compelled to impotently use ammo to vent their frustration on a stranger's avatar.  And all this is taking place in a fake reality.

When I was a freshman in college, a bunch of us went out to play mini-golf.  Mini-golf is another sport that I suck at, and now that I think about it I am really lucky I'm not a competitive person because I would have had a rage aneurysm long ago.  As long as I'm having fun, I don't care if I'm losing.  In fact, if I'm really in the sucking zone I just start laughing and congratulating my opponents on the complete and utter desolation they have wrought upon my head.  Anyways, one of the girls in our mini-golfing group was the polar opposite of this mindset - she had to win.  It didn't help that there was a guy there she was totally in love with and so was determined to wipe the floor with him.  I know, you would think the whole "If I beat him up in the playground, maybe he'll like me" mentality died in third grade.  Nay.  This girl was frothing with rage halfway through the game, and at one point threw her club on the ground and stomped her foot.  Yes, we were all over 18 and considered to be adults.  She wasn't even losing - that would be me.  I actually ricocheted my ball off a castle turret at one point.  She just wasn't in first.  These kinds of people are no fun to play with.

So perhaps I should amend my statement about having no problem with players being competitive.  Competition is fine, but please have a sense of sportsmanship and remember that its only a game.  And to guy who kept shooting me in the head, I'm sorry I stole your kill.  Sort of.  Not really. Yes, its a little frustrating when you wear down a Brute and someone else takes the last shot to take it down, but this was a low-level soldier.  He dies in two hits for cryin' out loud.  There's plenty of them to go around.  Change your tampon and lets kill an Atlas or something.

Alright, I think I'm done.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Multiplayer - or "Lay the hell off, I'm trying to have fun here!"

I was playing the Mass Effect 3 MP this morning and something occurred to me.  I'm know I'm not the first one who's wanted separate sections in multiplayer games - one for normal people with lives and one for those bionic kids (and unemployed adults, lets be honest) who spend all damn day getting headshots and climbing leaderboards.  But the main reason I want such a separation is because sometimes the mouth-breathing hordes start to make me feel a little guilty for not being more obsessed with a game.  That's just craziness on my part.  I wish there was a way for super-competitive players to have their own little world where they can yell at each other to their hearts content and leave those of us who are just trying to have fun to play on our own.

A little background - I've never been into multiplayer games because most of the ones I came across were shooters.  I'm rubbish at FPS games, honestly because I don't find them that enjoyable.  When I was a kid, my brother and I would play Dark Forces 2: Jedi Knight together and he would wipe the floor with me until I was in tears with rage.  He was just better than I was, and I didn't really enjoy the shooter aspects of the game enough to try and get better.  Seriously, when you have the option of a lightsaber and Force powers, why would you ever use a gun?  Same thing happened when I tried to get into one of the Halo games - I wasn't very good, and it wasn't enough fun to try and get better so I quit because who wants to spend an hour getting yelled at by aggro jerks about how much you suck?  And thus began my exile from multiplayer gaming.

Cut to the last few years - there are more and more games out there with multiplayer aspects that aren't FPS based.  The first one I really got into was Assassin's Creed - Brotherhood, and believe me it took a while for me to even try it.  But, to my infinite surprise, it was incredibly fun and I was actually kind of good at it.  Not scary good, mind, but good enough to come out on top on a good percentage of rounds.  And there didn't seem to be the trend of "superior" gamers lambasting you for not being that great.  I don't know if that was because stealth-based games attract a different sort of person or because mics were a bit superfluous and not many people used them.  Turns out multiplayer can be fun if you enjoy the mechanics and aren't getting shouted at by "GlockSniper69" or some such nonsense.

So by the time Mass Effect 3 came out I was open to the idea of trying a shooter-type multiplayer game again.  After all, it was in third person, not first, and it was an RPG.  Surely things would be different.  Ah, naivete is a beautiful thing.  Anyway, I quickly found my favorite class mechanic in ME3 - the Vanguard.  I was halfway through the single player campaign before I tried multiplayer and I was completely in love with that class.  I like melee games and as I said I'm not that great at shooters, so the fact they included a melee class in the game was amazing.  Until I found out that the aggro jerks with a superiority complex were alive and kicking - after I started playing a Vanguard in multiplayer I started seeing a lot of hate for that class online.  It went from complaining that the class is cheap and overpowered to accusing anyone who plays it of being a kill-stealing n00b.

So yes, there was a little guilt on my part whenever I'd enter a game playing a Vanguard.  It felt like being the last person picked for kickball and now your whole team is glaring at you like you have Ebola or something.  At one point I even heard someone over the mic accusing me of not knowing how to play.  This person's N7 rating was over 500 - mine is floating around 40.  For those who have not played the Mass Effect MP, that number is the collective level of all your characters, and the max character level is 20.  So this dude had leveled at least 25 characters to max level.  That kicked my brain out of its unreasonable guilt complex right quick, and my thoughts went something like this:  Yes, Mr. 500, I'm not as good as you because I have a life and I do other things like hang out with real people and go outside every once in a while.  And I'm playing a Vanguard because I like to - its fun and I suck less at it.  And if you're not having FUN playing a GAME why are you playing it in the first place?  Of course I couldn't say any of these things because my computer doesn't have a mic on it, but I just muted him and kept going.  And from now on, if I want to play a damn Vanguard, I am going to play one.  I might play an Adept or an Engineer too, but I am not going to let you gormless tits make me feel guilty for playing my favorite class.

Back to separate sections in multiplayer games.  There's nothing wrong with being super-competitive.  Verbally abusive - wrong.  Competitive - perfectly fine.  But there are those of us who only play casually, who just want to have a bit of fun before they have to go to work, or write that paper that's due tomorrow.  So after some thought, what I'd like to see is some kind of quiz you have to take before entering a multiplayer arena.  Sort of like a litmus test for a player's mood - are you feeling laid back, or do you want to own some bitches?  And people wouldn't always have to be in the same section.  I came up with one specific to Mass Effect 3, but I think I'll put it in a separate post.  This is getting kind of long.